Spent all day hanging about and travelling today. Had to check out of the camels toe by 10 (pics of the hotel and our room below) but the flight to Sydney wasn’t til 2.

Hung around the hotel’s shopping area spotting fellow Mo’s as long as was decent, drinking mini cups of tea and finding great amusement in musk flavoured sweets then made our way to the airport, well large shed and a strip of tarmac and sat outside that for an hour or so knowing that once we were past security we were stuck.

Eventually we gave in and going through a very nice young man wanted to test me for explosives. Now i’m all for a cheap thrill and thought I might get frisked but all he did was rub a cottonwool pad on a stick through my smalls (in my hand luggage – I like to keep soiled pants with me in the cabin, don’t you?) and rubbed it suggestively up and down my rippling torso (I lie, it’s more bubbling ney ballooning) and inserted it in a machine that told him that whilst I had a problem with personal hygiene i wasn’t actually carrying a bomb, I was just pleased to see him. So we arrive in the departure cafeteria only to find that the plane was delayed as it had diverted to Alice due to a medical emergency – turned out to be an allergic reaction! Go team deficient immunists! Bet it was the cheese sandwiches with hidden pesto!

So an hour late we board, uneventful flight, crap film “Win Win” we certainly didn’t with this pants american film about a lawyer and a wrestling team. Oh tho there were some Lycra bits… And i got to look at the Japanese girl in fronts snaps as she showed them to her friend, they were so similar to mine that I expected to appear in half of em.

Arrived at Sydney and I’d already got the plan in my head to get the train, I knew the price and the route (one change to the Bondi line but oh no Nelly wants to ask at the info desk and all she was interested in pushing was the shuttle bus “$15 take you to your door, love you long time” she was definitely taking a cut of that one and wouldn’t call the next shuttle bus through to the waiting area until she’d over sold every ride.

Eventually a van and a rickety trailer showed up and packed as many tourists in as he could then took down the list of hotels. 9 stops later and a tour of most of sydney and its suburbs with a running commentary by the Aussie bloke next to us, mostly about wheel bearings and shock absorbers, how do they get laid? we arrive at the Springfield Lodge, Potts Point/kings cross border. Potts point is nice and where the celebs hang out with a bohemian feel and Kings Cross is the red light district, one wrong turn and you could be lap dancing with Nicole Kidman, I believe she’s very flexible still tho. Springfield Lodge is a charming old colonial style townhouse done out inside in the cheapest way possible…

We’re in cupboard 203. Nowhere to put your case, nowhere to hang your clothes cos the rail is too low in the wardrobe. To look in the mirror which is inside the wardrobe you move the bedside table and then crush the door against the wall mounted bedside lamp and then climb half in to the wardrobe.

The shower room door touches the bed when you open it and theres nowhere to put our considerable toiletry collection as the sink is the size of a stamp and if you bend over in the shower you bang your head on the wall and open the door with your arse. But it’s central and quiet cos we’re stuck out the back. On the plus side we’re drinking out of mugs (chipped) for the first time in 10 days and the wifi was free.

Went for a wander round Potts Point, lots of nice restaurants and all open beyond 9! Oh civilisation. Found a nice Czech restaurant and had a litre of beer each and a ghoulash for nelly and some beef in a creamed root veg sauce for me.

Bed via the local convenience store as there’s no mini bar to raid in this hotel.

Off to do Sydney tomorrow. The lucky boy.