Finally escaped Cairns on a jet plane. A Boeing 717 to be precise and they placed us by the emergency exits. Lord only knows why when the exit hatch you have to chuck about the cabin when Kerrianne shouts evacuate weighs in at 19 kilos. I could barely lift my suitcase on to the checkout desk belt and that was 20.7kg. 3 kilos more than it was on the way here. suspicious. And so was neils. Our washing obviously wasn’t as dry as we thought it was then, Blinkin tropics!

Lovely flight to Uluru or ayres rock airport as they kept calling it. Chief hostess Kerrianne was delightful. She had one of those faces that looked like she was on the downward rollercoaster slope hurtling towards 50 with that fixed smile cum grimace, gamely trying to cling to the handrail of 39. We think at one point she spoke because her eyes narrowed and her mouth moved ever so slightly. Hope it wasn’t “evacuate” i missed my chance to be lost in the outback with no heels or earrings clutching an emergency exit for shelter. She had a fabulous figure too unless nylon dresses do more for the figure than we’ve ever been told.

Nylon dress, it def was, I nearly touched her bottom to be sure but a forcefield of static kept me at bay. Who at qantas decided nylon was the ideal fabric for flying through the tropics at 400mph and 33,000ft? A man I bet, one on a weight saving mission.

Neil made her laugh, she still had one crows foot left, when he asked for lemon and lime bitters. She told him they didn’t have such extravagant items and offered him a lemonade instead and then a ginger beer followed by a fake bloody mary. All blood and no Mary. She was just showing off now.

The remainder of the flight was great other than Neil has taken a liking to my seat (the window) rather than the aisle so I had no view and kept getting dragged in to the gravity created by kerrianne’s bottom as she glided past. Boy I hope mine’s as pert at 4…. Oh and the rock was on the other side of the plane so we didn’t get to see it as we came in to land even tho the lovely couple opposite us offered to take a pic for us but managed to make it blurred.

Arrived at the ayres rock resort, you have to stay here whether you like it or not, there are various hotels of differing price, we’re in the lost camel’s toe. It’s boutique or something which means the room is the size of a changing room in Tammy Girl. Weirdest thing is the bed faces the door and is in the middle of the room with it’s headboard creating the gap between you and the open plan bathroom. There are two windows, lovely size but they are in the toilet and shower area, both plain glass and they look over the courtyard where everyone can see you taking a dump. So you close the curtains and then there is no natural light in the room at all. I’d take a picture but we’re lying here naked and Neil’s Maeve Binchy isn’t going to save your blushes. One final mention for the room, theres a flat screen telly on the wall, don’t know why they bother for three channels mostly full of adverts for lead poisoning, but its over the sofa so you have to be on the bed to watch it, which is fine, our new fave Monday night programmes were on last night – Body of Proof – US tripe with an actress I know but can’t place, blonde hair, massive eyes, but badly miss-cast for this role followed by Suits which is really really bad. One bloke looks like a chipmunk. We’ll miss channel 7 when we’re gone. Oh yes, anyway, you’re on the bed watching tv ‘cept you can’t as it’s mounted too high so you to sit up like meercats or you lose the pic like when you open your laptop too far. great.

We went mad last night and ate a 7 lump Cadbury Dairy Milk out of the mini bar. A bargain at $3.

Went to have a look round the resort’s shopping area, it’s all aboriginal art shops and tat and a tours office. We didn’t book any tours or things before we got here as they were all over £120 EACH! to go and view Uluru at sunset, then another at sunrise then another to see the Olga’s but we were delighted to find 3 car hire desks and so we got a toyota camry for £50 a day (2days) saving ourselves tons and tons of cash! And we’ve not had to sit on a tour bus with face mask covered hi-viz jacket and slide on arm covers wearing Japanese tourists. What do they think is gonna happen? only issue is we have only 100km per day inclusive kms. Uluru is a 40km round trip away and Olga’s is around 120. Might be tight and we’d best not get lost.

First evening we went to watch the sunset on Uluru. It looked magnificent and orange but there was little peace cos you’re in a viewing area surrounded by hoards of tourists…..

Tea was a burger and chips, $13 I think and the beer was $7.50. Great.

Tomorrow it’s sunrise at Uluru and the olgas, thats another 40km. Will we make it?